Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
