So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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