I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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