He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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