check it out our google latitudes are spooning
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
