i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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