she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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