yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
