dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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