No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
