His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
That's how pantless uber rides happen
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
