so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I think your dad took our porno
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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