you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I have post one night stand depression
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
