I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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