Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
