youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
