in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
