new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
