Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
