i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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