he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
