Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
