So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
