About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
