our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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