the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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