you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
