He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
