You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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