I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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