I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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