I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
