i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
