You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
