He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
