I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
