I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
All the doctor said was why
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
