Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
FUCK WHALES
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
