she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
