also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
