Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
