so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
two words...techno handjob
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
