when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
