Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
