Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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