and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
