I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
