She said her name was "party"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Randomize
