Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he was CRYING into my vagina
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
