Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
