its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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