sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
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