We're like a lot better than the average bears
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
